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Title: Brian and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Sandwich: a Gale/Randy Dialogue Drabble Mystery! ;)
Author: [livejournal.com profile] wouldbedorothy (AHS)
Pairing: Gale Harold/Randy Harrison
Rating: PGish
Summary: 450 words (separated into 3 x100 word drabbles, and a 150 word one). Randy grilling Gale to explain the makings of a very odd sandwich in ep 202. Inspired by THIS POST and the tumblr link within. When it's set is... sometime between S2 and now. Absolutely silly and pointless. And it's not really a mystery, but I think Gale's answers were somewhat influenced by Clue's multiple endings, lol.
Disclaimer: My words, not theirs!

Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] swallow79 for bringing this up and giving me rare inspiration! And the peeps at the FuckYeahQAF tumblr. Also, *waves at Red*. A nod to our conversation in there ;)

I love ridiculous and overly long titles sometimes, if you couldn't tell, lol. Title is, of course, owed to the children's book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst.

Brian and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Sandwich:
a Gale/Randy Dialogue Drabble Mystery!
by AHS

“It was a bet.”

“A bet?”

“Yeah, with Scotty. To see who could get away with the craziest shit in a scene. He was going to put a cucumber in his pants for when Ted was caught watching gay porn at work.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“He chickened out, the fucker. That would have been funny as hell.”

“So, you won for making an avocado, peanut butter, tuna, and Tabasco sandwich?”


“Uh huh. What did you win?”

“Win? Oh, right. Fifty. And drinks at the bar.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“What? I’m hurt that-- Okay, what really happened was…”


“It was an acting choice.”

“Oh, really?”

“I’m insulted by the skeptical tone.”

“You know I think you’re brilliant, and I’ve reaped the benefits of some of your Method ways, but…”


“WHY would you make an avocado, peanut butter, tuna, and Tabasco sandwich as an acting choice?”

“To show how fucked up Brian was. Without Justin. How fucking thrown he was with Justin’s mother there offering him, making Brian feel shit, giving him hope he was scared to have.”

Awww… Yeah, right. Like that’s going to work on me.”

“You non-believing little asshat.”

“Love you, too. Next?”

“Fine. See…”


“It’s a well-known hangover cure.”

“I thought that was blow jobs.”

“Different one.”

“Well-known? So, if I looked it up online…”

“Maybe not ‘WELL.’ But it’s a thing. Southern thing. You mean you never tried it?”

“How exactly is an avocado, peanut butter, tuna, and Tabasco sandwich supposed to make anyone feel better?”

“Why do you keep repeating the ingredients?”

“Because they sound more insane every time.”

“Tabasco’s great for a hangover.”

“And the rest?”

“Keep the bread from turning pink? And I guess if you eat it and manage not to be sick, you know you’re okay.”

“Last chance.”



“Sorry, what?”


“And you grabbed that particular disgusting combination of items because…?”

“John told me to walk around the kitchen, grab food. I wasn’t paying attention. I was just trying to remember my lines.”

“I’ve told you, you’re going to burn out your short-term memory.”

“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, it was fine. John didn’t notice, or else just wanted to get through the day.”

“Sherry noticed. Thought it was hilarious.”

“No one else.”

“You underestimate the fans and their level of nothing better to do obsession. Their crazy eagle eyes, their freeze frame, and their imaginations. I bet they decided Brian was pregnant.”

“That is not in my contract. But I would so do it.”

“I know you would.”

“I never actually ate that sandwich.”

“I know.”


“Yes, Gale?”

“I’m hungry.”

“Of course you are.”

“I kind of want…”

“Ahead of you. Check the fridge.”
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December 2015


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