quiet, bj ficlet for sandid

[wouldbedorothy]

Title: Quiet
Author: wouldbedorothy (AHS)
Pairing: Brian/Justin (QAF-US)
Rating: PG-16?
Summary: 700 words. Justin pov, S1 (J living at Deb's). What to do with so much love?
Disclaimer: Not my *sigh* characters.

sandid this is an early birthday present for you, so I hope it's one you like, lol :)



Quiet
by AHS


It’s a rare moment. Deb’s working, Vic’s gone to the store, and I’ve got the house to myself. Still, I lock my door before settling myself on the bed.

I don’t do… this… all the time. But every now and then, I just have to.

I’m pretty loud during sex, but I’m usually quiet when I’m jerking off alone. I got really good at biting my lip and stifling my moans growing up… not wanting my parents to hear me, even if they didn’t know I was doing it thinking about guys.

And I know Deb knows I do it, but no matter how often she alludes to growing boys and masturbation, I don’t want her to know know. That’s just… eww.

When Brian’s fucking me, I can’t be quiet. And he doesn’t want me to be. I can tell. He likes hearing everything he does to me… every touch translated into breath and gasp and scream.

Well, almost everything. There are three small sounds I’m not allowed.

He’s heard them before. Christ, they came from his lips the first time. But I’m supposed to forget that, like he had by the next morning (along with my name). And not bring any drama by saying the words myself, during sex or otherwise.

I saw Brian at the diner today. He halfway ignored me, like usual. But he also didn’t. After I guessed correctly that he wanted his usual turkey sandwich with no mayo, he said I was so smart. Then he added, “Except for math.” To which I responded that I had gotten an A on my math test. He smiled and raised an impressed eyebrow, and I just knew he’d meant to find that out, without having to ask.

His hand grazed my ass a little when I was walking past him one time, and he almost made me spill all the plates I was carrying. Then made a crack about not being able to find good help these days.

I snuck him a lemon bar, which he loves but won’t admit to. He made a face and swiped some lemon goo on my cheek with one finger in sarcastic thanks. He leaned forward like he was going to lick it off, and just when I started to close my eyes in happy anticipation, he pulled back, smirking at me.

I hinted, as he was paying, that I could come over to the loft later. He said, “Not tonight.” I’m pretty sure my face fell embarrassingly. But then he actually told me he was hanging out with Michael.

Brian never explains himself. Why did he let me know he would be with his best friend? He had to know I was picturing him with tricks. But, if anything, he usually rubs his tricking in my face so I know not to get hopeful that…

I don’t know why he did it. But I know I had to hold myself back to keep from throwing my arms around him before he left.

I’m always holding myself back. Which is why sometimes, like this moment, I have to let go. So I don’t burst.

As the hand on my dick moves faster, squeezes harder, and the fingers in my ass go deeper, and my hips twist, and my breath gets shallower and my mouth falls open like my legs, and my lips get dry and fragile under my teeth, and I can smell Brian, feel Brian, and Brian’s eyes flash under my closed lids… I pant his name quietly… and then more, closer and closer… until I’m hurtling over the edge and I get not so quiet.

“Brian… Brian, oh God, I love you… I love you… IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouILOVEYOU… oh fuck… fuck… I love you…”

Eventually, I calm. My ears stop being all white noise and heartbeat, and I listen to the still empty house, reassured I am alone. I clean up. I feel the lack of Brian, but I also feel better. My heart’s… lighter.

I love him so much. I do this so I don’t have to say it to him before he’s ready. But part of me can’t help but hope he can hear me, now.

Comments

[tsarcasm.livejournal.com]

His hand grazed my ass a little when I was walking past him one time, and he almost made me spill all the plates I was carrying. Then made a crack about not being able to find good help these days.

I snuck him a lemon bar, which he loves but won’t admit to. He made a face and swiped some lemon goo on my cheek with one finger in sarcastic thanks. He leaned forward like he was going to lick it off, and just when I started to close my eyes in happy anticipation, he pulled back, smirking at me.


fucking evil adorable.

[bluemchenkaffee.livejournal.com]

This was wonderful and very in character for Season 1 Justin. And hot! ;)

Thanks for sharing.

Susanne

[sexy-pumpkin.livejournal.com]

Yes it was wonderful, so in cannon with S1. Brian was a total prick at times :) but his one downfall, was one twinky JT.


He couldn't get enough of him, & he was always proud of him & yes he even loved him, thanks I loved Justin screaming ILY to the Lord above whilst jacking off LOL, made me smile.

Thanks for the smiles,Jx

[sandid.livejournal.com]

Oh, no you didn't......You did..........(squeezesusomuch)

Am I giddy....I am. So much has been happening in my world lately that I forgot Monday is my BD. I just got home last night from a businsess trip and this morning when I finally logged on....a present- for ME....from YOU......oh, squee again.

You hope I like it - SNORT.....What's not to like?

There is this: I know Deb knows I do it, but no matter how often she alludes to growing boys and masturbation, I don’t want her to know know. That’s just… eww.

and this, Well, almost everything. There are three small sounds I’m not allowed.

or this, His hand grazed my ass a little when I was walking past him one time, and he almost made me spill all the plates I was carrying. Then made a crack about not being able to find good help these days.

loved that....

oh, and this - He leaned forward like he was going to lick it off, and just when I started to close my eyes in happy anticipation, he pulled back, smirking at me.

I could quote the whole thing....but, you know how I adore you....so I won't.....but there is this I can't over look.........

“Brian… Brian, oh God, I love you… I love you… IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouILOVEYOU… oh fuck… fuck… I love you…”

I'm just sayin' - THANK YOU SO MUCH......(skips off singing HB tome......

[qafaddiction.livejournal.com]

I'll reply to Sandi's comment since she's the reason I read this. It's absolutely wonderful, and so perfectly in character. Not many people can really capture Justin's voice, but this was perferct, IMO. Loved the way Brian tried to find out what he got in math, and how he explained about Michael. He's so in love, even if he doesn't want to admit it. :)

[we-dreamerz.livejournal.com]

This was a great little peek into Justin's private time. And yeah...I think by then maybe Brian is starting to hear him.

Liz

[camjakefan.livejournal.com]

Oh this was just wonderful, I could really imagine Justin doing this. Like you I always believed Brian did say I love you the first night.

[cay-wylde.livejournal.com]

That was hot, emotional and perfectly authentic.
I know I repeat myself, but you have an outstanding talent to lend them voice. Brilliant!

Hugs,

Conny

[sunshine63.livejournal.com]

Justin quiet for once? LOL
lovely... especially the “Brian… Brian, oh God, I love you… I love you… IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouILOVEYOU… oh fuck… fuck… I love you…”

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

Oh yes I did! lol ;)

*hugs* Admittedly, I get overwhelmed when I try to keep up with my friends' LJ's, so I mostly don't try :( But I did see before I posted some of your drama... you daughter's blood clot, possibly moving? I hope everything is going well! I'm happy to remind you of your birthday, lol, and maybe distract from the rest a bit.

*squee* back... and oh wow... the scrolling... I like the scrolling :D

[sixfullerst.livejournal.com]

I loved this! Perfect season one Justin.

[spike7451.livejournal.com]

Loved this, S1 Justin to perfection. :)

[sjmpets.livejournal.com]

how sweet. brian hears him, just like he hears brian everytime after the first.
"But then he actually told me he was hanging out with Michael.
He smiled and raised an impressed eyebrow,..."

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

Why, "evil adorable" is everything I could hope to be! lol :) Thanks!

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

Thank you (very belatedly), Susanne! :D

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

I loved Justin screaming ILY to the Lord above whilst jacking off LOL, made me smile.

lol, thanks J!!

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

I'm very slow replying, but thanks so much for your kind words about my fic for Sandi :)

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

Thank you, brilliant lady :)

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

Brian absolutely said ILY :) Thanks so much!

[eileen-donovan.livejournal.com]

That was lovely! I love young!Justin with all his naive hopes and dreams, some which I don't think he ever gives up. I love how he can read Brian so well, yet still wonders if he'll ever hear those three precious words from him. And I love how you allude to Brian moving closer to that line.

Very nice! I loved it! :)

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Eileen!

This one had some extra meaning to me. Let's just say I managed to be 17 year old Justin at age 30, lol.

Thanks also for your super sweet... and *legendary* lol... message :)

*hugs*

[lanbeo.livejournal.com]

I don't really know you *meant* it or not when you wrote this fic but I felt like crying right now. Although I so in love with Justin s1, the beautiful and innocent smile of his, I also felt hurt about the fact that Brian always ignored Justin's love, and Justin's desperate face sometime, etc. Just like your fic. He can't, he's not allowed to say I love you in front of Brian. He just can say it when he's alone, jerks off, fantasizes about Brian. It's really hurtful, and touching.

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

Aww. Well, I didn't mean to make you feel like crying, but I guess I did particularly mean that one. Not to give TMI, but I was kind of Justin there. My boyfriend at the time I wrote it went into the relationship saying "I can't love anyone," and I felt like I wasn't supposed to say it to him :-b So I felt Justin's pain, lol.

Thank you for all the reading and comments today!

[snapegirlusa.livejournal.com]

Oh how beautiful this is. I really love how S1 Justin already knows so much about Brian's inner workings, but he also knows him well enough to never push his boundaries.

The Math thing is so sweet! And Brian fessing up that he's only hanging out with Michael! I wanted to smoosh his face for those moments where Justin can tell he really cares.

But my favorite moments are the ones where you can actually feel Justin's overwhelming emotions for Brian--closing his eyes with the smeared lemon creme--I actually felt the magnetic pull that Brian was giving off; and then his incredible moment of orgasm when all the feelings pour out of him like a Dam bursting with release!
You just can't hold back those emotions! It's so beautiful!

(Psst: I can totally relate--I've had one of these exact moments as well!)

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

(Psst: I can totally relate--I've had one of these exact moments as well!)

Me, too. My ex-bf ("You know I can't love anyone, right?") deserves a credit on this, lol.

Thanks, hon! :)