The List, very tiny G/R ficlet

[wouldbedorothy]

I'm friends-locking these now, and I don't think ya'll need the disclaimer, but you know... I don't know them, it didn't happen, blah blah.  The list itself is real, though.  Here's the link... www.afterelton.com/people/2007/7/hot100

Only 640 words.  G/R phone conversation.

The List
by AHS
 

“Hello?”

“Thirty-four.”

“Hey, I saw it! Congratulations. They used one of my favorite pictures of you, too. The black and white‘s real nice.”

“Thirty-four.”

“Rand, are you pouting?”

“No, I’m not pouting.”

“Not the number you wanted?”

“I know I’m not the hunky stud type. I’m honored to be on the list anywhere. I mean, it’s kind of silly, actually. It’s not like it’s a list of the best actors, but… I’m still honored.”

AfterElton.com had put out their 2007 list of the 100 Hottest Men, as voted by gay men. Randy had ranked #34.

“You fucking should be, Harrison. That’s pretty high up there.”

“Not as high as some.”

“I thought so. It’s not your number you’re pissed about. It’s mine?”

Gale had ranked #4.

“No, I’m very proud of you!” Randy responded a little too loudly.

“I’m starting to get the feeling you didn’t vote for me.”

“Fuck you, Gale.”

“What’d I do?”

“I know cuteness can only get me so far. I just think it’s a little sad that you rank thirty places ahead of me on a list chosen by gay men and you’re not even gay. Peter was only #86!”

“Now that’s a crime. But Bobby was #14.”

“Well… yeah.” Bobby Gant was like every gay man’s childhood Ken doll fantasy come to life and improved upon. “But that’s Bobby.”

“Poor, unloved Hal.”

“Right, I’m sure he’s torn up about it.”

Actually, Hal had called Gale and gone into a comical rant Gale was pretty sure was going into his stand-up…

“Five years of nakedness and getting bent over and still no love? What do they want from my ass?”

“Apparently nothing.”

“Fuck you, too… Good punchline, though, I’ll use it. And I’ll just console myself with the fact that all the QAF boys they chose are gay.”

“They chose me.”

“Yeah. Like I said…”

Gale shook his head and returned his concentration to Randy, who he knew was ridiculously embarrassed to be on the damn list at all, no matter what he said.

“C’mon, Rand, you like where they put you… squeezed in between Josh Duhamel and Jensen Ackles… Tell me you didn’t imagine that literally.”

“There are more unpleasant places to be, I’ll give you that. How are you enjoying your Daniel Craig - Taye Diggs sandwich?”

“Mostly wondering how the fuck how I got in there. Have you seen those guys’ abs? Their pecs?”

“Shut up. Your body is sickeningly perfect.”

“No, Brian’s is. They’re all voting for Brian. You haven’t seen me naked lately. I gotta go to the gym more.”

“Whatever, Gale. I‘m sure you‘ve completely fallen apart.” Randy sighed. “Great, now this means my #34 belongs to Justin? That fucker. He can’t have it.”

“All I was saying was I’m getting older and Brian isn’t.”

“And all I was saying was that it figures you’d trump me with my own people, straight boy.”

“Straight boy?” Gale couldn’t win. “Hmm… Exactly how many cocks would I have to suck to earn my place on this list, Rand?”

“Um… say, twenty?”

“Twenty?”

“Okay, maybe ten.”

“Ten… Damn, missed it by three.”

Randy laughed when Gale said such things, but he never quite knew if Gale was kidding.

“Or, you could forget the ten and just suck mine.”

Randy and Gale both laughed, but Gale never quite knew if Randy was kidding.

“Well, I guess I’ll call my mom. I never told her about the list. She’ll get a kick out of it.”

“Yeah, you should. Tell her I said hi.”

“Okay.”

“Hey, Rand?”

“Yeah?”

“If it was my list, you’d be number one. Or at least you’d be next to me.”

Randy smiled audibly. “Next to you sounds good.”

“Good talking to you, sexy.”

“Back at you. Later.”

One day both men would figure out that neither of them were kidding.

Comments

[chynnadoll17.livejournal.com]

This was hilarious with a little angst thrown in.

Gale's convo with Hal was so funny and I loved the last line :)

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

Yay, I couldn't hope for more than that! Thanks, hon! :)

[plumduff.livejournal.com]

I really like this, I hope they did have a conversation about the list. Of course it should have read:

1. Gale
2. Randy

Someone, somewhere mixed up the votes.

*hugs*

[wouldbedorothy.livejournal.com]

I know, right? That seems to be the consensus :)

Thanks!

[tsarcasm.livejournal.com]

“Great, now this means my #34 belongs to Justin? That fucker. He can’t have it.”
--I want to see a Justin/Randy cat fight. The potential is enourmous.

“And all I was saying was that it figures you’d trump me with my own people, straight boy.”
--[snicker]

You do delightful so well.