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wouldbedorothy) wrote2008-06-08 05:12 am
perceptive, brian 202 gapfiller
Author: AHS
Time Frame: 202
Length: 925 words
Rating: PG-13
Summary: I love how the Brian/Alex scene starts, with that "highly functioning bastards" speech. But I always kind of wanted to fill in the first part of the scene, because they had obviously already been talking a bit about Justin. This is just a gapfiller for that scene, right up until the second it begins on the show.
Notes: I wasn't sure how much the general public knew about Brian's role in what happened to Justin. I know he got that award later, but that was due to Lindsay, so... I just wrote what worked for me, lol. Thanks
rromantic for green light!Disclaimer: The boys are not mine... and neither is the show... *sniffle*
Perceptive
by AHS
Brian spied the familiar silver hair and young face he was looking for by the bar, and made his way into Woody’s… for once, with a purpose different… greater… than the usual.
“I need to talk to you… in your professional capacity. But off the record. I need some advice.”
“As always, Brian, you’ve got me intrigued. Buy you a drink?”
“Nah, I got it.” Brian sized up the content of the man’s glass and deemed it strong enough to get him through this conversation. “Two of whatever he’s having,” he told the bartender, then turned back to the good doctor. “I have this… friend.”
“Mm hmm.”
Brian didn’t know if the subtle sound of disbelief was because, when you say that, people always think you’re talking about yourself… or because Dr. Alex Wilder was too perceptive, and somehow already knew that “friend” was not an appropriately descriptive word for what Justin was to him.
Brian wondered if he could tell him what the fuck was.
As they took the drinks slid in front of them, Brian gave up on his wondering, gulped down some courage and forged ahead. “Did you hear about the bashing a couple of months back? The k-” He cleared his throat. “…kid at his prom?”
“Yeah, of course.” He’d had a few young, gay patients experience great anxiety over it. “It was all over the news, even if the reason for the attack was quickly played down…” Skilled at recognizing the emotions people tried to hide, he saw the pain and fury in Brian’s face, and he understood. “This ‘kid’… your ‘friend’?”
Brian looked around, not wanting anyone listening to what they were talking about, and nodded. “Justin… I can’t… help him.”
“Is that your job?”
Yes. Because I couldn’t stay away from him, then I couldn’t protect him, and then I couldn’t save him. Tried the first one again and it fucking made things worse, so fuck if I’m not going to at least try the other two. Erase the damage I…
“He trusts me. His mother gave him to me, against - I’m sure - all her better judgment, because she thought I could help him. But… I’m not.” Brian blew out a breath of frustration. “At least, not enough. I don’t know what the fuck to do.”
“Did you want me to take him on as a patient?”
“He won’t… Even if you came to the loft, I don’t think he would go for it. He refuses to see any more doctors, but especially not a shrink.”
“He’s living with you?”
“Yeah.”
Brian Kinney living with… a lover, obviously, but more than that. Who would have guessed? The man’s mind was nearly as captivating as his body.
“I just thought you could… give me a clue of what to try.”
“What seem to be his main problems?”
How much time did he have? “Nightmares. He wakes up screaming and they fuck up his sleep. Anger, over how his hand still doesn’t work right, over the memories he lost of that night… ‘cause he can’t remember any of it.” Brian muttered quietly, “Wish I didn’t…” Then he looked quickly at Alex and brought his voice back to normal level. “He’s entitled to every bit of it, but it just ends up making him sad instead. And, uh, he’s kind of afraid to be alone. But he doesn’t want to be around other people, either. He stays home more than is probably good for him.”
“He’s afraid to be alone, but he doesn’t want to be near other people. So… he only feels safe around you?”
“Something like that. I mean, I thought he was okay with me touching him, but…”
“But?”
Brian eyed a table, suddenly eager for the pseudo-privacy it offered. He tried to send a mental “Fuck off” to its occupants, but they were too focused on the two guys fucking on the TV above his head to get the message.
“Last night, when he came to bed… I kissed him, and he was tense, but I thought he was relaxing. I thought he’d get into it. But when I tried to…” He trailed off, remembering and hating how quickly Justin had scrambled away from him.
“And this sort of activity is something the two of you had engaged in before?” The answer seemed obvious, but he had to ask.
“At least a hundred times,” Brian replied without blinking.
Alex was never fazed by things people said. He’d been a psychiatrist too long. Still, as one of the very few men to make it into the Brian Kinney Twice-Fucked Club, the discovery that Brian… famous for his one-time-only policy… had allowed someone close enough to become an actual part of his life… and, it appeared, part of his heart… was shocking. But he kept his expression carefully schooled.
“I’m guessing… not since he was bashed?”
“No.”
Brian wasn’t his patient, but he still felt pride at his progress. Neither of them might realize it, but Brian depended on this boy as much as the boy did on Brian. Alex would offer what he could… what little he knew he would be permitted… to help clear the way for these two damaged psyches to keep holding onto each other.
And if love did not fundamentally alter Brian’s personality, maybe they would meet up in the baths sometime… and he could try for three.
“It’s crazy, right? Me trying to help anyone be… less fucked up?”
Alex just smiled. “Brian, let me tell you something…”
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"Because I couldn’t stay away from him, then I couldn’t protect him, and then I couldn’t save him. Tried the first one again and it fucking made things worse, so fuck if I’m not going to at least try the other two."
That was a brilliant line, definitely what was going on in Brian's mixed up head!
Very nicely done!
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I'm glad I finally rewatched the scene, because I had managed to forget the "highly functioning bastards" bit began it, lol. I did always wonder how they got to that in the conversation!
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Liz
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Very IC and so well written - I can really imagine this happening just before the scene we got to see!
♥
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Thanks, sweetie!
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(your icon makes me *forget* to breathe, lol :)
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By the way, your Icon is beautiful too! ;)
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That was great! You captured Brian's state of mind wonderfully. I always liked Alex, so I'm happy you wrote this.
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well done! thank you.
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yes, he's already definitely in love with the little one!
aww, i love that :)
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Weeee
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Love how you made your gapfiller fit perfectly into the rest of the scene.
Thanks for sharing. :-)
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Thanks, Kari! :)
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I loved how you used the word "scrambled" to describe Justin getting away from Brian. I wrote a drabble about that scene once and that was the same exact word I used :)
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I'm glad it was something different! I just always wondered what Brian had said about Justin prior to the scene starting, because Alex already knew the situation.
I think that was about the third word to occur to me, but it was definitely the most fitting :)
Thank you!
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You set up the perfect 'pre-scene'... so touching, so telling, so lovely.
This comment from Brian was so beautifully revealing...
I couldn’t stay away from him, then I couldn’t protect him, and then I couldn’t save him. Tried the first one again and it fucking made things worse, so fuck if I’m not going to at least try the other two. Erase the damage I…
You just completely captured his emotions and struggle at this point. I don't know if he was fully in love with Justin yet, but he certainly was smitten with him, and was overwhelmed with guilt that this was all his fault. That this beautiful, talented, brave young man was almost killed because of what he deemed his 'selfish act' of wanting to give Justin the night of his life.
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Really??... I shall address this under "Don't Think" in just a second! :)
Thank you!